In-person men’s group now running in Tunbridge Wells. Find out more…
- Do you value the company of other men but struggle to share your innermost problems with them?
- Do you want to do a better job of raising your kids than your father was able to do with you?
- Are there times when you think you’re letting your kids down, when you’re unsure of the right thing to do?
- Have you read the self-help books and the parenting guides, but find that you’re still struggling with the fact that you just didn’t have a good role model?
Welcome to Father Lessons, where I explore and share wisdom, life lessons and insights about fatherhood, allowing you to assemble the toolkit that your father couldn’t give you.
I’ve done my best as the father of three kids and I’m proud of having done a lot of things right. But I’ve got a lot of things wrong, too. And I’ve rarely felt able to fall back on “What would my Dad have done?”
So, over the last few years, I’ve been on a journey to learn more about myself, my relationships and fatherhood. Along the way I’ve had some amazing and transformational experiences, and I’ve picked up practical lessons that have worked for others and stories that we can all learn from.
The most significant step I’ve taken was to join a men’s group. It literally changed my life. I was so positively impacted that I went on to train as a Therapeutic MensWork Facilitator, am currently training as a Counsellor, and in early 2024 I started the Tunbridge Wells Men’s Group.
RECENT FATHER LESSONS BLOG POSTS
- On Men and Boys
(Excerpt) This. This shit we’re in right now. Tate. Trump. Musk. Hollow men. Synthetic men, hateful, power mad men, full of bluster and bile. Of course, it strikes me that I may be the worst person in the world to comment on masculinity. Because for the past 30 years I’ve run men’s groups. This means that I’ve been in the privileged position of being surrounded by men whose primary desire is to evolve, to be accountable, to become conscious, to be the best dads, partners and friends they can possibly be. They come week in, week out, year after year, decade after decade – this is no drop-in circle. This is serious commitment. These are lifers. We rarely talk about masculinity. We don’t moan about women, or what we have lost. I’d say the bulk of these men are driven by a desire to do a better job than their fathers did. And while most ultimately succeed, to do so means facing the pain of accepting they’ve inherited far more of their fathers than they’d like. I know I did. - A Men’s Group in 4 Minutes
People often ask me what a men’s group is, how it works…what’s it for? It can be tricky to explain in words, you really have to experience it to fully get it. Especially if you’ve never done this kind of work before, if you haven’t developed the vocabulary of feelings and emotions, let alone used it to describe your own experience. But this music video for the Elderbrook & Rudimental track “Something About You” captures it really well. - Speak Up, Man: how talking circles are supporting a healthier masculinity
I am kneeling quite awkwardly on a cushion in a yoga studio in London’s Shoreditch on an unseasonably chilly Wednesday and wondering when exactly will be the optimum time to rearrange my legs. I have an ice-cold mango and passion fruit kombucha beside me and an agonising case of pins and needles. The solution to pins and needles, I learned a few years ago, is to directly confront the agony: pull your legs out from underneath you, bend your toes up as high as they can reach, and yes, it will hurt far more initially, but then the pain subsides. I’d like to do this very much, but sitting opposite me is a man – sitting all around me are men – and it is his turn to talk. He has eight minutes to tell us – all men, all strangers – what has been bothering him lately, or this week, or today, or for his entire lifetime, and right now he is on a roll.